An air conditioned car with no name

Looking at a map, it appears that Djerba - off the south eastern coast of Tunisia would be a good island base from which to explore southern Tunisia. Within easy driving distance of the oasis of the northern sahara, and with access to the sea and beaches.

Further contemplation of the map reveals a “Zone Touristic” along the eastern beaches of Djerba. Not a good sign, but having decided on a whim that Tunisia sounded like an exotic destination for a family vacation, logistics demanded that we locate near the sea. I found an excellent looking “residence” outside of the zone touristic but within walking distance of the sea - so i booked a week and we flew down “en familie”.

See the Map

The best hope i have for Djerba, is that they find oil on the island and some aggressive nation, near far or local, decides to invade, and in the process levels the “Zone Touristic”.

The idea i believe is to fly down tourists by the bucket load, then pack them on the baking beach while providing an “all inclusive” holiday. Each hotel had its own 100 meters of beach front, patrolled by security in case an inhabitant of a nearby “all inclusive” should decide to partake of a finer vintage of inclusivity. Security was tight, but we had been given rights to one of the nearby hotels facilities by our “residence”. Even so, without the tell tale bead bracelet, whistles were blown in our direction any time we strayed outside the 3 meters of wet sand or wandered towards a pool.

I have as much desire to spend my day next to 100’s of oiled up tourists, as i have to spend my days riding the London Underground. So leaving this beach was not a problem. If you want to find the most expensive hotel in the zone, and spend a few days within its confines - i do believe you could have an enjoyable weekend - assuming it is the middle of winter in the northern hemisphere and you have serious vitamin D deficiency. But its not my gig.

The zone touristic stretches along the sea front for 10’s of kilometres. Some hotels were smart and exotic and no development was over 2 stories high. But outside of the actual hotels are vacant lots - best way i can describe them - filled with rubble and garbage. It seems like some older building projects (or perhaps an ancient civilisation) has been bulldozed to the side to make way for the latest development, then left to fester in any open space available. On one side of the coast road are the “all inclusive” hotels, inter-spaced with vacant lots of rubble and garbage, on the other side of the road are cheap Disney World type fast food restaurants selling limp chips and flyblown salad Tunisian (with the inevitable topping of canned tuna), crappy boutiques filled with belly dancer Halloween costumes and hookahs and all the tat that the misguided locals seem to think tourists would be delighted to accumulate.

As you move inland things improve, the buildings thin out and some evidence of palms and olive groves can be found. There are smaller vacant lots of rubble and garbage and some smart looking villas among the sandy roads. Everything is separated by empty lots or half buildings and rubble. I don’t know if Djerba went through a boom period and things have now slowed down, or perhaps they only build at night or in winter, but i never saw any evidence of serious construction, no sign of workers toiling in the 36 degree heat - and who can blame them, but how did all these half finished buildings get there.

Given my lack of enthusiasm for the “Zone Touristic”, I am happy to report that our rooms at “Residence Amphora Menzel” were excellent - half a mile back from the chaos of the main road and the ZONE. An imaginatively decorated 2 storied 2 bedroom 2 bathroom 3 balcony “residence” with a kitchenette. Cooled by 3 air con units and surrounding a courtyard festooned with cushions and carpets. Merek the owner and our guide, gave a resoundingly warm welcome, catered to our every whim, gave excellent advise as to what to see and avoid, provided a hire car delivered to the door, and was general good guy and friend. A worldly doctor in Paris he developed these 6 residences in 2001 which he then furnished with taste. He paid relentless attention to detail, and was available at all hours. Merek chatted and fed us mint tea on the carpets in the courtyard and he quickly spotted my lack of enthusiasm for all inclusive beach bumming and suggested a two day drive into the interior in search of authenticity and oasis.

Our drive across the island at 7:30 in the morning, painted the island in a more favourable light than our excursions of the previous day in our hire car. Things get better towards the centre and south of Djerba, more olive groves, but all set in a flat uninteresting landscape. And any time you get close to tourist spots of the slightest interest, the bartering with the insistent locals gets tiresome. You expect to be pestered in the north African Souc’s, you have to develop your skills with humour and patients, and don’t let the first guy to come along latch onto you or you are stuck with him for the duration. “Hey remember me from the hotel” was a common introductory phrase.

We caught the ferry to the mainland and found ourselves on the continent of Africa, drove north along the chaotic main road to Tunis and at Gabes, turned left towards Kebili and Tozeur. Driving through the towns is always interesting, scooters and pedestrians cross the road without a look in any directions- right into your path. After a while i wondered if it was not a ploy to be hit by a hire car and extort money.

This was a harsh land, a trickle of water the only reason for any town to develop, and as we headed west it got hotter. Excursions in the middle of day went only a few feet from our air-conditioned tourist mobile. As the day progressed people were harder to spot, anybody with any sense was in the shade somewhere. Then we went through Kebili and a series of “Palmiers” and oasis and found ourselves on a salt desert with only gleaming crystals for miles in either direction. Car failure here would have been interesting, if not life threatening. When we stopped on the edge of the salt desert the temperature must have been well over 40 degrees in blasting baking wind. Having a pee felt like doing the place a favour.

Crossing the “Chott el Jerid” successfully we saw a line of palms rising slowly from the gleam, floating like a mirage above the heat, and turned south towards Tozeur, following the dusty villages who support the few palm oasis on the edge of the salt pan.

Tozeur is another tourist destination, and horror of horrors, has a “Zone Touristic”, with all the appeal of all the “Zone Touristic” that we had so far encountered. Air conditioned Gaudy hotels with Alibaba codpieces, speckled with dust blown fast food monstrosities. But the “Palmier” here is a big deal, dates farmed from homes behind elaborate gates with irrigation systems plumbed into the fabric of the soil. We had hoped to find a meal on the edge of the oasis and enjoy a light lunch, but after driving through the palm groves for long enough, we finally happened upon the “Little Prince”. What a dump, designed it appeared to accommodate coach loads of tourists in a semi air-conditioned light less dungeon.

Is the notion of what tourists actually might want, so far removed from the Tunisian mind that they plonk them in the first space they can air condition. How difficult would it be to create an elevated and shady retreat overlooking the palms of the oasis. Make it out of palm trunks and leaves, surely easier than the brick and cement buildings that were always evident in their half completeness.

Stocked up on cokes and headed north to Tamerza!

And then it got interesting again crossing the near desert, with a line of mountains visible in the distance and “beware of the camels crossing” signs next to the road. On the left we thought we could see signs of water, but it became apparent that these were actually heat mirages.

At the foothills we followed a series of oasis up to Tamerza and checked into the “Tamerza Palace”. Overlooking the ruined old town of Tamerza that had been washed away when it rained for a half an hour back in 1969, it was a truly spectacular location. Perched on the side of the hill; a four star hotel with cool swimming pool, comfortable rooms and good food. We freshened up, then took an early evening walk in the palms oasis before heading over to Mides for the sunset. We found a delightfully sad old guide who claimed to be one of the original inhabitants before the old town of Mides had also washed away. He missed the old days he said and showed us the ruins where he was born and brought up. Now they had to build brick buildings, the palm groves couldn’t support the village, and things just weren’t the same. 2 dinar for a bottle of cold water seemed reasonable.

I leaned out dangerously over the precipice and took a shaky shot over the canyon made famous by star wars movies, our guide stood next to me like a mountain goat while my family wailed at my stupidity - i had all the passports and money.

We were one of only 4 parties dinning at the Tamerza Palace that night - real bear and wine with the meal. A location not to be missed, and my North African skills were improving - we managed to haggle the price of our suite down by 100 Dinar.

The next day we drove back through Douz and Matmata. In Douz we found hundreds of camels sitting beside the sand dunes of the Sahara, all saddled up and waiting, it appeared, for coach loads of tourists to take an hour excursion into the desert. In Matmata we found the troglodyte dwelling holes of former the inhabitants - another tourist trap. Between the two towns we actually ran across a line of camels crossing the road. The “camel crossing” road signs were not a tourist ruse.

Between Matmata and Metameur we had the most beautiful and authentic drive of return journey. The town of Toujane appeared unspoilt, real Tunisians sat outside the houses keeping cool. We had finally found a Town that had not been driven to gaudiness by the relentless march of the Tour operators.

When we finally returned to the 36 degree heat of Djerba and the Amphora Menzel, it felt cool, chilly even - and it felt good to be out of the rain.

August 15, 2007 — 4:03 pm - -